Well it is time for that good ol’ monthly update I guess.

First off I’m not in Hell. Haven’t been for a few weeks. I’m on the other side of the world in place that is actually more pretentious than Hell. Yeah. Malibu.

I’m here to head up our emergency assessment units after the California wildfires. There are some perks to the assignment but none of them really even begin to balance out the horrors I’m seeing everyday. It’s a tough time and I still have a few more weeks to go.

To bring a bit of levity to our situation the group (there are 10 of us all sharing this huge house) we have all reverted back to our college days. There is the all night partying, with the drinking and the loud music and me coming out of my bedroom in the morning to stumble over guys passed out on the floor in the living room next to half empty pizza boxes. I feel like I’m living in a frat house… but I’m finding that after the week I’ve had it isn’t really all that bad. We find ways to cope.

My ways have varied slightly (although I have, admittedly, done a good bit of my own drinking). I’ve gone shopping. Lots of shopping. I managed to check off another of the “1001 things Sabine must do before she dies” when I purchased a pair shoes that cost me more than what I pay in rent. Before I leave I plan to take full advantage of my temporary home and venture down into the L.A. garment district. My fabric stash has fallen under 200 yards – this must be remedied.

Other important news would be that a few months ago as I was preparing to book my annual trip to Mexico for Thanksgiving; I got a call from Jeff. He informed me that instead of visiting him this year that he was coming to me. After some freaking out, I started to get excited. Then word came down that I would be in California for Thanksgiving. It took a bit of a group effort, but plans were rearranged and now I’m here and Jeff is with me. We even have plans to take us away from here for the holiday. My assistant was able to score us a reservation at a resort outside of Sonoma for Thanksgiving. Then we are going to head North to do some exploring before heading back here next week.

Then I should be heading back home sometime in the 2^nd week of December for some well deserved alone time.

Oh and before I left I finally, after a 6 month hiatus, got my ass into my car and went to an event. Of course that event was in Texas and I decided on Tuesday that I was going, and then proceeded to frantically run around my house looking for pieces of my kit, that I hadn’t seen since Gulf, until I left Thursday night. But it was totally worth it. I was able to surprise a lot of people that I love (because on that of short of notice I decided not to tell anyone that I was going) and have some good girl time with Sarah. I actually enjoyed myself at an event for the first time in probably close to 2 years. I was beginning to wonder if I was actually ever going to be able to enjoy myself at an event again. But I did, even more I’m actually looking forward to being able to do it again. So who knows you people may actually see me sometime before March… maybe.

The actual reason why I decided to jump on board with this little project is because the other day, I noticed that in Sarah’s post about her new hair routine that CinnKitty asked about whether there were other options and if she could take baby steps towards “alternative” hair care. And the resounding answer is “YES!!!”

See, Sarah got lucky and it seems that the first method she tried is going to work out really well for her, but there are plenty of other options out there. In an effort to find the perfect method for me and my hair (henceforth referred to as the holy grail… Christ I’m even going to use the crazy bus speak as well, aren’t I??) I’ve tried just about all of them and still haven’t found which one is the absolutely perfect one for me, my hair, my lifestyle, and my environment (ok well maybe I have, but I’m only a week in so things could still feasibly go down hill from here.) So today for those of you interested I’ll list some of the various options and throw in some hair education (all of which you will be tested on before you are assigned a seat on the batshitcrazy bus) as well. Ready?

Things you are trying avoid –

First, harsh detergents and chemicals in shampoo. Mainly? Sulfates. The 2 most common are SLS (sodium laurel sulfate) and SLES (sodium laureth sulfate), SLS had an original intended purpose as a grease solvent, but nowadays makes its living cleaning various parts of our bodies. Honestly our bodies aren’t that dirty, and if they are we are actually doing it to ourselves. Sulfates are harsh detergents. They will get out anything you manage to put in your hair – dirt, grime, styling products, and sweat. They will also strip your hair of all its natural oils leaving your hair feeling not so wonderful and not so manageable. So you condition, right? And you condition with a product packed with silicone.

Remember those Pantene commercials with the little gold bubbles that would swim around the hair strands and bind to hair and then magically repair the hair strand? Yeah. Silicone. And the hair isn’t repaired. It’s been magically caulked, and that caulking will build up, and will need to be removed, and the best way to remove a silicone is with a harsh sulfate detergent. So you begin to feed a fairly vicious cycle so the second item on the list of things to avoid? Silicone in conditioner and styling products.

You have learned to read the labels of what you eat now learn to read the labels on your beauty products

So now you know what to avoid…
Your most common options for alternative hair care are –

Pseudo Natural –
These are incredibly similar to the same drug store hair products you will find anywhere except they lack the items you are trying to avoid. Pseudo Natural allows you to break that cycle but still gives you that normal feeling of having your shampoo and conditioner. They still have some sort of cleaning agent in the shampoos but typically are considered to be much healthier for you hair and instead of silicone they use plant derived butters and oils in the conditioners.

As with all of these options there is an adjustment period, but this is by far the easiest transition.

While not the method I’m currently using, this method works great with my hair. I use the Giovanni hair line. They make excellent products and my hair really responds well to them. Best of all most major health food stores and organic grocers that offer “bulk bin” shopping will offer Pseudo Natural shampoo and conditioners on the bulk bin aisle to you can bring your own bottles from home and just refill them. Not only do you get the discount of not having to pay new for packaging but you save the earth the stress of having even more plastic out in circulation.

All Natural –
All Natural is where you start to really truly venture into “alternative” – these are the products that are 100% percent derived from natural resources. You can still have your traditional shampoo/conditioner method, but once you open the product you are going to notice a huge difference in what you are working with. Mainly the shampoo, being void of all detergent and cleaning agents, won’t lather – which means that you have to rely on the essential oils in the product and your own physical scrubbing of your scalp to clean your scalp. Also your conditioner won’t resemble normal conditioner in its texture – You won’t see your typical cream based conditioner inside the bottle. Instead the texture will be a bit milky or even possibly oil based.

The adjustment period here may even take longer because not only are you working with the differences in the products but also these products are where you have to start really paying attention to what your hair wants/needs and developing a technique. How long do you need to scrub your scalp? How long do you need to rinse? Does all you hair need washing/conditioning or just your scalp/length? Everybody’s hair is different so everyone’s technique is different.

If you live in a major city you should be able to find All Natural hair products, but it may take some searching almost all your popular Natural brands are mostly Pseudo Naturals and they may only offer one option for All Natural. Read your labels and the internet is your friend.

Water only –
Now this was a fun one to try. This is your “extreme measure” – water only. It actually does work and I know a woman in Ansteorra/Texas with the most beautiful hair that I have ever seen in my life. I covet her hair. Her secret? For the last 15 or so years, she washes her hair once a week with lukewarm water only, and I promise you, her hair is absolutely gorgeous.

As you can imagine the transition can take up to a few months since not only are you weaning yourself off all products, but you actually have to train your scalp to produce less oil. And there is a lot of scrubbing involved. That is ultimately why this process doesn’t work for me. My hair is just too delicate to stand up the vigorous scrubbing needed to accomplish cleaning your hair with nothing but water.

If you can do this and make it work for you I envy you, and want your hair.

This is probably as good of a place as any to mention that half the fun of alternative hair care is the trial and error part. There will be hair disasters. Your friends will laugh at you. But one morning you will also realize the joys of making an all natural hair mask in your blender that makes your hair shine like it did back when you where in a kid, and it will all be worth it. Onwards…

Water with baking soda –
This is Sarah’s method. The only method on this list I haven’t tried. Again my hair is far too delicate for it. The one time I tried to clarify my hair with baking soda it took weeks before my hair forgave me, and I’m fairly certain that if brought it into the shower again all my hair would jump off my head and hide under the sink, but I know tons of people who swear by this method and you have Sarah as even more proof.

Shampoo Bars –
Yeah.Soap.In.Your.Hair. I love it. My hair loves it. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this sooner. As I said earlier there is still a chance that after some of the newness of the product wears off the results won’t be so fantabulous, but right now shampoo bars are the reason why the sun came up this morning. I love them so much I’m actually comfortable enough to actually say “LOOK at my HAIR!!”

That? Is my hair one week into nothing but soap (Herb Garden) and water - no styling products - no conditioner - nothing. And? That is 2nd day hair. Yeah, I’ve slept on that… twice.

100% all natural! – They last forever! – Minimal packaging! – Cheap! – Easy! - Travel Friendly!

Some people need a vinegar rinse like Sarah has been doing with the baking soda, some people need to use conditioner, but not me – I haven’t needed either. Really, I can’t say enough good things about them. They rock. I love them, and I hope I still love them when I come back from vacation.

If you are interested (that might even be a dare), this is where I buy mine from - http://chagrinvalleysoapandcraft.com/

Read the info on the site thoroughly because she provides a lot of great info regarding hair types and troubleshooting any problems you may have with them. But the samples are cheap and if they don’t work out for you; you still have some great soap!

….Second Round….

She really tested me right out of the gate, huh? But it actually proves the point fairly well. While her irrigation system rocks there is no feasible way that I can model anything like that to water my container garden on my balcony of my Condo here in Hell… but I wasn’t going to give up on my first challenge that easily. I sat here and I thought to myself that there has to be something I have done that mirrors her efforts…

So I thought.

And I thought.

Water.

Flowing.

Bill Saver.

Watering.

Water.

Oh.

Wait that’s easy.

(Read on …)

After talking some things over with Sarah we have hit on this idea – as you have already seen Sarah is doing a new weekly segment on the things that she is doing to help green up her lifestyle and after some thought I’m jumping on board so that I can offer a different point of view and hopefully that way readers can see that there isn’t only one path to a greener life.

Sarah and I started making small changes to our lives at about the same time, but for very different reasons.  If I remember correctly, her first jump was recycling while mine was Hair and Beauty related.  Sarah is the good girl; she actually started making changes to her lifestyle that would directly impact her effect on the environment.  I?  Well, I was incredibly personally driven at the start.  I needed a new beauty routine that was simple, natural, and healthier for my body (and hair) and if in the process I helped the environment then I got a shiny gold star.  

Now I will admit that my focus has swung around a bit, I have since made changes solely based on trying to decrease my impact on our viable resources, but my personal focus honestly still remains fairly firmly in the realm of what is going to lead me towards a healthy lifestyle.  Whereas Sarah’s focus is a bit more balanced. She cares equally about herself and her impact which in my eyes makes her the much bigger person out of the 2 of us and gives me something to aspire too.

The other major difference between our chosen paths is our locale and the adaptations we have to make based on where we live.  Sarah lives in a rural area while I live in a major metropolitan area.  While Sarah has the space and ability to grow her own foods, I have to search out local markets that can provide locally grown organic options.  And while I have the ability to locate a wide spectrum of “green” products from butter or yogurt (organically made less than 10 miles from my house with no preservatives or fillers added andpackaged especially for me in my own “brought from home” container) to cleaning products, Sarah doesn’t have that type of retail structure around her and often finds that the easiest solution is to make the product herself.  Simply put – I buy pickles just like the ones Sarah makes.  (And trust me, in my home pickles are a necessary substance of life.) 

So in the coming weeks, as Sarah posts her transitions look for me to follow up about what I am also doing to reach the same goal, because chances are Sarah and I will be on 2 completely different paths to that goal and hopefully one or the other or something else in between will work for you.

Awhile back I conducted a poll regarding the typical cost of my readers’ shampoo and conditioner. I did this for a reason, of course. Mainly I’ve finally reached my wits end. Years ago now, when I was still living in Texas and my hair magically turned curly on me I panicked because I had no idea how to handle and maintain the new hair. I was an incredibly low maintenance chick when my hair was straight. Pantene shampoo and conditioner - every day – brush – air dry. That was it; that was my hair routine. I had never had any use with gel, mousse, hairspray… I didn’t own a curling iron, a hair dryer, or curlers, because no matter what I did to my hair it was going to look exactly the same. It was going to be long and straight.

Then it went curly and all hell broke lose. Pantene started destroying my hair, and I had to learn to maneuver between the approximately 785 various products specifically designed to make my curls looked marvelous. And you know what? Nothing worked. I end up moving to a “salon” shampoo and conditioner (Biolage) and I discovered the trick to taming my curls. A spray bottle… filled with water. Tap water… from my sink. And all the sudden I was back to a low maintenance routine. Shampoo – condition – brush – scrunch – and just as my hair finished air drying a light mist of water to tame out the frizzies.

But honestly? I didn’t know what frizzies really were… until I moved here. To place that keeps 100% humidity year round. To a place where you need to learn how to drink your air.

Then the real problems began and I wound up back in that hair care aisle. Oddly enough I’ve looked thru all the comments left regarding the poll, and you know what? I’ve tried each and every one of the products noted. It was horrible. Something would work fine for a few weeks then I would start waking up with this afro halo thing working. Almost a year ago, I found a guy that I really enjoyed how he worked with my hair he sympathized with all my problems and really went above and beyond the call to help me find a solution that didn’t involve me enlisting in Moose’s outlook on hair care. We had just found my perfect solution when the new meds kicked in and the synthetic hormones started to course and all of the sudden we were back at square one.

And all this time he had been after me to try Bumble and Bumble products… but at 30-something dollars per 8 oz. bottle, I just couldn’t justify it until all other options had been exhausted.

I reached that point about a month ago.

And caved and purchased B&B Curls line for fine hair (shampoo, conditioner, curl crème at $24 per bottle on sale.) I knew it was stupid money to spend on hair products but I helped in justifying that I had a bit saved in the bank because unlike all my other female friends I have never dyed my hair. And since my Mother spends $60 a month getting her hair dyed … this kinda just evens the karma out.

Life was great… for a week. Then my hair started falling out. Not like a little shedding (cause I always shed) no I’m talking handfuls. Then? Anywhere the conditioner touched my body? I broke out. Bad.

Now I was incredibly lucky in high school. I remember when I got my first pimple. I was a freshman in college… the day before homecoming. By the night of the dance? Gone. To say I was blessed with great skin (sans the stupid freckles) would be an understatement. So yeah I freaked the holy hell out. I called everyone I knew that I thought could answer my questions. Then I posted every question I could think of to every forum and list I’m active in that I felt was applicable.

The support I got was overwhelming. But it filtered into 2 distinct categories of thought -

1 – Throw away all hair products immediately and move to a natural and organic line sans harsh chemicals.

2 – Get thee to Cynthia immediately.

Natural hair products were easy. A trip to my organic market offered me a wealth of goodies, and now 2 weeks in my hair is showing drastic improvement. The best discovery was working with a holistic esthetician on learning the right essentials oils to apply to my hair and scalp. She helped me create a customized oil for nightly scalp massages that will help reduce my shedding and encourage my new growth to come in thicker and stronger than before. Then showed me the proper oil for my hair type so I could do a hot oil treatment a few times a week to the full length to help condition and thicken. 2 weeks in and the results are nothing short of amazing. Everyone stops and asks what in the hell I did to my hair, for the first time in a very long time I’m happy with my hair. It takes a lot more work than I would like, but you find a routine that is producing results and you make it work.

Now getting in to see Cynthia? Was a little more difficult. You see Cynthia is considered to be one of the top 10 stylists in the country for curly hair. Women fly in from all over for her to work her magic. Her reviews online are flawless and have been so for years (seriously I scanned all the back to 2004 and didn’t find anyone that thought she was not worth the time/effort/money). And as luck would have it her shop is 90 minutes from my house. So I caved. I called for an appointment and only slightly winced when informed of the cost. Taking the first available appointment she had available – I ended up with a Thursday at 3:00 p.m. appt… 3 weeks out. Which now means that today, I get to go see Cynthia the supposed miracle worker. And for the first time in my life I’m ready to sit down in a chair and let a stylist do whatever the hell she wants to do with my hair.

And I hope that isn’t a mistake.

So if you have any spare karma saved up in the bank that you would like to donate to a good cause send it out around 3, please? And if not? Maybe a wig will do.

So I took some vacation days. Actually I’m taking a lot of vacation days in the coming months (big Texas trip in the works), but knowing that me traveling to Texas even if I am going to be gone for 14 days is by no means a vacation - I took a few days off in July as well for some real r&r. But I really didn’t have a clue what I was actually going to do with my time off. Sarah voted for a cruise. Mike voted for getting hitched in Vegas. But in the end I decided to give the long weekend what it really deserves.

You see, it is Harry Potter weekend. And I’m used to doing something big on Harry Potter weekends. I have very fond memories $100 meals and fancy dresses. I mean really you take a book designed for junior high kids and you make it into a national phenomenon that makes every adult want to join in on the fanaticism but then all the celebrating is geared towards a 12 year old girl who gets to stay up past bedtime.

So as adults we can either sneak into a Walmart at midnight and grab our copy with a rotisserie chicken or we can make a big deal out of the event all on our own. I’ve tried both and frankly? I like an excuse to dress up much better.

So this year, I’m taking a few days off holing myself up on a little island in the luxury suite of the local b&b. I’ve also managed to secure a full day at one of the local spas on Friday in preparation for the long weekend of marathon reading.

My requirements were all based on prime places to spend time lost in a book.

A bed with a view –

A Jacuzzi tub –

A comfy couch –

So all in all I don’t think I did that bad… and really a lounge chair on the beach is just a bonus.

_{Please no one call attention to the flaw in the plan. I realize I have opted to vacation in the middle of hurricane season on a tiny island in the Atlantic Ocean. I’m fully aware of the disaster potential, but at least if I’m stranded I’ll have the book to keep me company.}

There is a boy in my bed…

Not that that is an all together bad thing, I’ve actually quite enjoyed his company and have had no desire to send him to the couch… or back to his own bed, but reality is? It’s odd.

I mean first he is sleeping on the wrong side of the bed. I didn’t even know I had a right side of the bed until I wasn’t sleeping on it. I should be asleep right now, instead of blogging… and I would be asleep if he wasn’t sleeping on the wrong side of the bed. I’m letting it slide tonight since he managed to gank his shoulder today, but tomorrow during breakfast there will be some rules laid out.

Then second it has been a long time since someone shared my bed with me. In fact it has been well over a year and half and if we are actually going to get into particulars the last guy is the same guy currently not snoring (thank you god) on my side of the bed (damn bastard). But nevertheless a girl grows used to having her bed all to herself. At least we sleep well together (when he isn’t sleeping on my side of the bed), and never once has he questioned my fanatical need to change out my bed linens every day. He even changed out everything himself after he woke up this morning (since I had long since left for work).

And he’s put up with all the funny foods (damn hippy), the cluttered bathrooms (damn product junkie), the general lack of caffeine in the house (damn purist), and the fact that I won’t date him (damn commitment-phobe) heroically well. Not to mention last night when I went and had a complete and total mental breakdown over a children’s book he didn’t look for an excuse to make a quick exit, and frankly I would not have blamed him. (note to self: add that to things that need to be blogged about)

So there you go – boy in my bed for the last 4 nights (with 1 or 2 more to go) and no one has died. That’s my weekend.

Here’s to not getting our hopes up!*

_{*fat chance of that, huh?}

Catching up.

In this entry, you get to read all about my traveling adventures over the past month. Starting with a short (read: waste of my time) trip to Chicago for work. Then my adventures teaching at an Inter-Kingdom Squires’ Retreat. And then finally all about my experiences as Ms. Expert Witness.

My trip to Chicago (“OH! This is the reason I don’t like my job!”)

Some of you will recall back when I worked in Texas. Some of you will also be able to recall that the majority of my job tasks were based on tasks no one else wanted to do. And that this led to a reputation of being quite the holy terror of the company. There was panic when I walked into an office unannounced. A manager once even climbed out his window to avoid me. You might even be able to remember that year when for my birthday my CEO gave me business cards identical to my standard ones except instead of my title they read “The Henchman”

One day (now a few weeks ago) all of this came back to haunt me. It was Thursday morning and I got an email from my former CEO. The email was regarding a conference to take place that afternoon and it had been sent to about 12 people. I noticed however that I was the only person outside that territory invited… in fact on closer inspection this call was centered around senior management for Central States North – specifically Chicago. I replied because surely there must be some mistake. Why in the world would I need to be present for this call? The reply I got back was adamant that I was expected… with no explanation.

My first thought? Fuck! They want to transfer me to Chicago.

Time for the call rolls around, I phone in, and everyone is saying their hellos and whatnot when I get another email. This one is from our corporate air fleet informing me that the jet was flying in that night from Texas so we could leave the following morning at 5 a.m. for Chicago, And would I like to request any special snacks or beverages for the trip?

Jet?
Leave?
5 a.m.?
Chicago?
…
What the fuck is going on?

(If you recall my days in Texas, you can also recall my great dislike for the tiny tin can my company refers to as a private jet. And trust me when I say that having access to a private jet isn’t always as glamorous as the movies and the billionaires make it seem. I mean for the plane to fly at full capacity, which is always optimal, someone is actually expected to sit on the toilet. Note I didn’t say “in the bathroom” because the toilet actually sits under one of the seats in the main cabin, seriously.)

30 minutes into the call my purpose is finally revealed…. And I my temper comes to a full boil while I wait for the call to end so I can call my former CEO and lose my shit properly. Cause see by the end of the call it was 6:30 p.m. and I had to call my assistant tell him to pull out his black suit and meet me at the airport at 4:30 a.m. the next morning. Then I had to run to Macy’s to buy me a black suit.

Then my assistant and I both ended up pulling an all nighter at the office to get some reports out that HAD to go out Friday… but we weren’t going to be around to finish them on schedule.

We arrived at the airport at 4:15 a.m. to fly to Chicago… for a 4 hour stay.

So I could fire someone.

That doesn’t even work for me.
That I have never even met.

Thousands of dollars wasted (and not to mention my time) because no one in that entire territory had the balls to fire one lousy guy. I was pissed. I was especially pissed because I was asked to do something that is normally considered incredibly taboo (All senior management is strongly encouraged to not interfere in any way with the management of territories outside their own) as a personal favor and “for old times sake”.

At least our driver was able to locate this great vegan restaurant for us to lunch at on the way back to the airport.

Next!

My venturing out to a weekend Squires’ Retreat (“OH! This is why I love the SCA!”)

Some Knights got together and decided to do an unofficial Inter-Kingdom Squires’ Retreat. A total of 6 Knights and about 35 squires… and me. (okay and the 2 wives that did all the cooking for the weekend).

My name came up after a few guys remembered some classes I taught at a Known World Rattan Symposium a few years back, and I was asked if I would be willing to come out of retirement (did you know I retired? I didn’t know I had retired… maybe a bit of hiatus-ing but not a real retirement.) to teach the squires some manners. Specifically courtesies of the field – requesting a favor, honoring your consort, opponent, opponent’s consort, etc., and field challenges. All vaguely geared towards Crown List, because apparently all Kingdoms seem to be pushing their fighters who have never entered The List before to give it a shot.

I was game and agreed, because honestly? If I ever see a squire sitting on a stool list side the morning of Crown List wearing a sign around his neck stating “Will fight in Crown for food and beer.” again my heart will probably stop and I’m certain there will be tears.

I was a little apprehensive going because I knew so few of the guys attending – so unlike the last squires’ retreat I taught at where I knew every single squire and most I considered family. That was like a family reunion. This? Was a bit intimidating. And after the drama that happened when I worked with some of the squires out here when I first arrived I wasn’t actually certain how I was going to be received.

When I got there late Friday night I noticed something interesting. Most of the squires were well on their way to getting trashed… and not one Knight was drinking. I could literally count the smart squires (the ones following the examples of their Knight) on 1 hand.

When I headed to my room to get some sleep one of the Knights I was sharing a room with informed me of some of the morning plans. Poor squires were going to feel some pain in the morning. Whistles started going off a 6a.m.

By 6:10 the squires who had been under the impression that all that talk about being productive this weekend was really a lie they were telling their wives back home were starting to realize just how wrong they were. And by 6:15 all squires were out of bed… and running laps. By 6:30 the ones who had imbibed a bit too much the night before were losing everything they had behind a bush.

Breakfast at 7:30 wasn’t a cheerful affair.

I had a blast however. I spent all morning sitting on a porch with my feet propped up reading my book and watching the boys drill. There was a short break for lunch and my class was pushed back so the guys could get as much time in fighting before the rains came.

By 3:00 it was raining so hard that even the guys still fighting under the covered pavilion had to stop because the water was lapping over their feet. The guys headed off to shower (I prefer working with clean squires) by the time they had returned to the main hall we had lost power. So I taught my class in gloomy rainy sunlight, but it went really well.

I had planned to head home after dinner, but some of the guys ran into town before dinner for some supplies and when they got back a 6-pack of chic beer was dumped in my lap and I was informed that I may as well start drinking because the rain was too bad for me to drive anywhere.

There was dinner and there was lots of bullshitting (all by lantern light). And I realized all squires in all Kingdoms have the same stories as long as you let the enemy be interchangeable.

For just about everyone it was a fairly early night, the boys were all dead tired and the rain was making everyone really sleepy. I got a few hard hours of sleep in before the electricity came back on blinding the entire room in light… and was just getting back to sleep when a corner of the roof gave way and our room started to flood. I slept on and off for the rest of the night as the water that was coming in from the leaking corner had to flow under my bed to reach the drain.

I woke up early and drove home as quick as I could in the pounding rain so I could crawl my happy ass back into bed for the rest of the day/night. But really all in all it was a really good weekend. I actually had fun and enjoyed myself at an SCA activity. I can’t tell you how long it has been since that has happened. I had enough fun that I’m actually am willing to give my local barony another chance to not suck.

So we shall see. But until then I think Gleann Abhann needs a Squires’ retreat.

Next!

Ms. Expert Witness.

This is where I had planned on telling you all about my new exciting double life as an expert witness for a certain federal authority. That was until I received orders today that I wasn’t allowed to discuss the cases I’m working on with anyone outside of my immediate staff and legal representation. Just know that it is still shiny and new and much more glamorous than having use of the company’s jet.

Before I move on to that laundry list of things I need to blog about, I’ve decided to jump ahead and quickly cover this weekend. Well not so much cover it as send out a few thank you notes. You see this weekend had the all the makings of drama filled angsty disaster and I wasn’t exactly being the most tolerant flower in the garden. I was mad. I was mad, confused, and angry. I wanted to throw things. I wanted to kick shins. It wasn’t very pretty. But as luck would have it, I’m surrounded by some great men in my life. Men that balled up, took the brunt of my attack (even though it was never meant to be directed at them), and showed me that they loved me in their own little individual ways. By the end of weekend I wasn’t mad anymore – I was resolved. And I no longer believed that all little boys should be lying dead in ditches, which was a huge improvement over Tuesday night.

Dear Mike,

I’m sorry. You got the worst of it, didn’t you? But you took it and you understood and you offered… well you offered just about everything, didn’t you? From pedicures to a bottle of bourbon even going so far to offer to hire a hit man. You took me out and showed me a good time and more than made up for what you knew I was missing out on. By the time I left on Friday morning, I was at least ready to be seen in public without that burning desire to drive the heel of my shoe into someone’s eye.

Not to mention you are now officially classified as one of Sabine’s True Friends. (For the general audience – this is a classification that you can only be awarded after you have fulfilled the duty of taking Sabine to the ER, and Mike has been waiting for years now to have a chance.)

Thanks, hun
Sabine

______

Dear Dirk,

I’m going to miss you when you are gone. Texas just won’t be the same without you. Thanks for taking time out of your busy packing schedule and driving out to see Sarah and I. But even more than that thanks for bring the big protective bear I can always count on. Just remember to set aside an emergency air fund, because you are my #12 and one day the guys aren’t going to be able to talk me out of making you make good on that promise.

Love.You.Mean.It.
Sabine, your #2… (wait a minute – now that you are moving to Canada, does that mean I’m getting demoted to #3?)

______

Dear Gavin,

I would say that now more than ever my point has been proven. I get pissy, you show up, we whisper and giggle in the dark while pissing off all of our friends, and suddenly the world doesn’t suck so much. I’ve decided it is your SuperChicken power (I can’t believe you bought the hat, btw – such a sheep.). I love you… even if you did the hog the bed… steal my pillow… and snore in my ear. Thanks for being you and I can’t wait for August.

Love,
Sabine

______

Dear Brandr,

Well don’t you have a way at making a girl feel loved? You kept me company Saturday Night after my Ansteorran friends left for home. You flirted and you flattered, and you made me feel all girly inside. I made you my scapegoat and you just laughed and went along with it. Then you taught me the hand signal for “huge squid”, and I don’t know how I have managed to live my life up to this point without that knowledge.

You rock, my friend.
Sabine

And at last but not least –

Dear Heebie,

While hot heads were abounding this weekend you stayed all calm and cool. You manned up and spoke to me honestly about some troubles and we worked thru it. You were there every time I needed something during the vigil. You banished the alien hiding under my shoulder blade. You played a nice rousing game “Brandr did it!” (officially the “it” game of summer) with me and you kept yourself firmly planted between me and the oogey drunk guy. All that combined makes you a fairly rockin’ guy.

But then you found the spot… and that makes you my new favorite.

Love you looooonglong time,
Sabine

So there you have it – my recap. Up next? How I landed my ass in Chicago on a Friday morning.

Ok I need everyone to do me a favor, seriously even if you never comment, can you delurk and answer these questions? Please? For my state of mind?

How much do you spend on a standard size bottle of shampoo? Conditioner?

and

How much money is too much money to spend on a standard size bottle of shampoo? Conditioner?

Please answer I need to see if I am really as crazy as Sarah thinks I am*.

And in return I offer you a new feature - if you look over in my sidebar below my links you will notice a new widget that offers you a peek at my current favorites from my Reader.  It is fairly nifty and offers you yet another place to go and snoop when you find you need a distraction from the dreariness of the 8 to 5.

_{*And when I say Sarah, I really am just projecting… I really mean me. Although Sarah thinks I’m crazy as well. But really? It isn’t so much crazy as desperate and have exhausted all other options…}

See I’ve been writing this entry over the past 20 hours or so and it keeps morphing on me. I started out talking about cupcakes and the demise of cake… then there was some sappy patheticness… followed by lamenting about mottling skin (pesky sunburn…so sexy) and raging migraines… I gave up when I started veering into garb research.

So instead, I’m going to try and gather my mind enough to focus on a meme. It has been forever since I’ve done a meme. And frankly? Based on how my last week went, I’m willing to try anything to ward off a repeat… even a MondayMeme.

And maybe next time we can talk about cupcakes…

(Read on …)

So for the random question of the day –

When you see a chick wearing silver shoes your first thought is:

1) “She looks like a hooker.”
2) “She looks like she snuck into her grandmother’s closet.”
3) “Metallic shoes just look cheap/stupid/trashy… etc.”
4) “Metallic shoes so rock the summer season.”

(Read on …)

So in recent months I have become more and more reliant on the blog-o-sphere for a variety of decision making processes. If I’m looking for recipes, I know no longer check out allrecipes.com or recipezaar.com… I go blog stalking. Same for looking for reviews on music, hotels, books, or restaurants. And it is an absolute necessity when in search of a new beauty product. Because of this process I have found quite a few gems and items I never knew I couldn’t live without.

Because let’s face it – I’m THAT girl. THAT girl is never the girl I aspired to be. But being THAT girl does have some perks. My skin wouldn’t be as in nearly as good of condition as it is now (hell, I’m not even sure I would actually have skin with all of the sloughing that has taken place). My house wouldn’t smell nearly as good (and me too, for that matter). And I wouldn’t be nearly so entertained (and no one wants a Bored Sabine trudging around). Yes, of course, when I talk about being THAT girl, I talk about the fact that I’m a ConsumerWhore.

So as our little universe morphs yet again into its new generation the attitude has gravitated much toward the idea of pay it forward, and with that in mind I’ve decided to start adding reviews to the content here at Hell’s Condo. I do a great deal of reviewing over at the tech site… and in the forums, but I never really brought them here, but maybe it is time… or maybe I just need to feel a little less guilty when it comes to my consumer whoreness.

Now I’m not shopping for me – I’m shopping to save you from buyer’s remorse. (Like that? I liked that.)

To kick things off I’m going to start with the item that has literally saved my skin –

Boots Mediterranean Olive, Almond & Sage Wonderbalm

What they say:
This rich moisturizer with nourishing organic olive oil and almond is perfect for drier areas of the body as it delivers instant softness and smoothness. Its just so versatile, this miracle product can be used on knees, heels, cuticles and lips. The fragrant sage oil will take your mind away to luscious Mediterranean landscapes.

What I say:
This stuff is divine. I’ve used it as an intense moisturizer in conjunction with my Moisture Booties. As a cuticle balm. This is what saved my elbows after the abuse they suffered in Arizona. The scent is a great earthy natural scent. It dries clean with no sticky residue, but you can feel the effects long after it has dried, and at less than $10 it easily becomes one of the cheaper items I rub on my skin everyday. While the tiny jar will last you a surprisingly long time, I really wish they would sell it by the gallon.

The best news is that if you haven’t already noticed Boots (a long time UK beauty line) has finally made their products available here in the US. And they make them incredibly easy to locate – both Target and CVS stores now carry the full Boots line.

Rating: 5 out 5 stars

Link: Boots.com

So happier topics…

The weekend rocked.

Last week as we all know there was some rather shitty feelings going on. When faced with the thought of a weekend at home in bed, I blanched. I’m just not that girl, but I knew that if given half the chance I could become that girl. So I went to the museum, the only quirk being the exhibit I wanted to see was a Pompeii exhibit… in Mobile, AL. But I haven’t had any decent bonding time alone with my car since Gulf Wars so a 7 hour drive to a museum seemed like an excellent idea.

And it was. I got me out of the house early on Saturday, I got to have a great lunch with Mike at a vegetarian/raw bar place he found in his neck of the woods. I reached Spanish Fort, AL mid-afternoon and got some quality shopping time in at one of my favorite shopping centers. A decent dinner where I had given my self permission to cheat, but didn’t feel the “want to”. A decent hotel with really shitty soft water and a good nights sleep. Followed by a museum exhibit about one of the places I’m passionate about, where my only complaint is I wish the exhibit was bigger… but IMHO still worth my drive… not to mention a fairly nifty IMAX film about Greece (it wasn’t “300” on an IMAX screen but not all of us feel the need to one up the other *smirk*). Then I headed home and was safely home and in bed at a more than decent hour.

That makes for an entire weekend of me not being the lazy stressed slug that I could have easily turned into. There were many many highlights… for example –

The Drive? I will fully admit I’m an odd one. I love to drive. I’ll even take it one step further and say I need it. Driving resets my Feng Shui. A long drive alone in a car calms me. It gives me mandatory down time and I’m learning that it actually takes about 3 hours to really turn my brain off the “stuff” and enjoy myself. So about halfway thru a long drive I find myself finally starting to relax… I breathe deeper and I can ponder life’s more important aspects… like finding great shoes instead of dwelling on all the work crap or the life crap.

The Spanish Fort shopping center? I always find the best shoes there. Always. I get excited when I leave Florida and enter Alabama not because I’m finally leaving ThePitOfHell (well maybe that too) but because I know I’m 40 miles away from my next really great pair of shoes. This trip was no different – they are black with the cutest little ankle strap… and Sarah has already said “Oh Look! FuckMe Heels!”

The Sleep? I actually got a really decent night’s sleep. The hotel wasn’t the best and I quite possibly STILL have conditioner in my hair that won’t rinse out. But I slept! Like 7 hours! And woke up rested! With really strange dreams! Yeah, I dreamed what can only be loosely titled as “Winter Wonders: The Musical.” All I will admit is –

- That I play a wicked harmonica.
- That Sarah has some real soul in her to be able to pull off the Christina Aguilera song she did.
- The Bannerman Barbershop Quartet? Nuff said.
- 3 of our favorite Gleann Abhann Knights covering not one but two Papa Roach songs…
- and Big John? Does a spot on perfect Jay-Z impersonation. (which for the record is the second dream I have had in which Big John was playing Jay-Z.)

Maybe I should think twice about letting my Sansa play while I’m asleep.

Speaking of music? I’m going to go ahead and vote that 4 hours into a 7 hour drive on a dark lonely stretch of Florida interstate is not the exactly the best place to discover the newest “sex” song… but it did make the thought processes of the last 3 hours of the journey incredibly interesting… frustrating, but interesting. And for your listening pleasure? I provide you with that song, and tell you that if you haven’t already given the band Finger Eleven a chance… then you, my dear friend, are a slacker.

Finger Eleven – Paralyzer

Ok guys… today is the day I found out just how defunct my uterus really is. It’s funny, I’ve been putting off this testing for so long that my mind goes to a million different places when I start to think about what the outcome of today could mean…so I’m not going to think about it anymore. Just deep breaths and showtunes.

I’ve just finished a long hot bath, and now I’m off for an ultrasound, and then some bonding time with a set of stirrups. And after that? A massage. Cause regardless of what this afternoon holds for me… if my day involves a speculum then I deserve a damn massage… and possibly chocolate (since chocolate is about the only thing “bad” for me that I can eat while doing only raw foods. Which for the record is going stupidly well. Eating has never been so easy. Eating has never been so much fun. I’m amazed at how great having a real appetite makes me feel. Even if I am still sleeping way too much.)

Cross your fingers.

So as I mentioned my health has been sucking ass lately… It is a large combination of occurrences at work and the fact that I’ve gone off meds, started new meds, had other meds fucked with, and am generally feeling like a lab rat these past few weeks. I have no energy. I’m sleeping way too much to be practical. I have no appetite. The primary aspect of my diet is currently applesauce. Yeah I’ve reverted to being a kindergartner.

Every summer, I seem to go thru this. Work starts to kick my ass as everyone and their dog decide that this is the perfect time to uproot their life and move into a new house they can’t really afford. And we all know what happens when I get stressed – the first thing to go is sleep very quickly followed by eating… unless of course you include when Sarah realizes I haven’t had anything to eat in days awhile and insists that I drop what I’m doing and eat something… and due to time constraints I usually end up getting that something from a drive thru. Which makes me feel bad and normally also succeeds in pissing me off.

And so continues the vicious circle.

In talking with my doctor over dinner last week, (Am I the only person who has a good enough relationship with their doctor that they can go to dinner together? Please tell me I’m not that awkward.) I decided (with his full support) to take my normally really healthy diet a few steps past normal. Typically come summer I pull out my juicer and blender and do a basic diet consisting of:

20 oz. of fresh Juice with a granola bar for breakfast.
Yogurt, Fruit, and Granola for lunch.
Salad with protein (normally shrimp, fish, tofu) for dinner.

There are variations of course but you get the gist. It is simple foods, but healthy. But most importantly it makes me feel better. I have more energy. My sleep schedule returns to normal. My allergies lessen to a more manageable point. And for some reason it really helps me in adjusting to our summer climate. That is until I get stressed again and it all goes down the tubes.

Now? As in starting today? I’m going totally raw foods… for the next 3 weeks. In a part system cleanse/part energy boost. The weird thing is that I don’t actually think it is going to be that hard. It is only 3 weeks and I figure the novelty of all the new stuff I’m adding to my diet won’t wear off until well into the 2nd week… then I’m over halfway thru the 3 weeks and I can do anything for 10 days or so… I have that much willpower. Besides I’ve already decided that sashimi counts in my raw food diet and so when I feel the need for something more than fruit and veggies at least I have that… in other words I’m using it as my cheat and probably my Saturday night treat.

After the 3 weeks I’m going to revaluate, but I think that this summer is going to be a vegetarian summer. I’ve given serious thought to it over the weekend. And my life wouldn’t actually change that much… all my favorite restaurants are vegetarian friendly… and some of my favorite dishes are already vegetarian. Not to mention the whole slew vegetarian restaurants around I haven’t tried. And since I won’t be doing it for ethical reasons or because I need to be doing without meat; then I won’t feel at all off when I allow myself to cheat.

When it comes down to it I’m really just curious to see if it offers me any long term benefits. I’ve seen the short term benefits for years now, but I’m curious to see if those benefits taper off after a period time. That and for the first time in more months than I (or Sarah) can remember I’m actually excited about food… actually looking forward to my next meal instead of having to have someone else remind me to eat.

Here? Is where I move on to the more personal items of the entry.
Here? Is where I provide fair and blatant warning to all guys that they probably should stop reading here. This provides James with all the warning he needs to run and hide.
(Read on …)

Okok, I’ve been told I can’t keep silent any longer. I do have good reason(s) for keeping silent – mainly my health and my job are sucking ass this week but those are separate entries for another day.

What you want to know about is Arizona.

Yeah, I went.

You already know that I had some very mixed emotions about this trip. I wanted to go – that part was never in question, but the logical part of my mind (and at times my gut) thought this could very possibly be a bad idea. It was paranoia in its most raw form. I know this because it manifested itself on various planes.

What if it is bad*?
What if it is awkward?
What if he really is an axe murderer**?
What if there isn’t a spark?
What if it is good?

Yeah – you read that right I was worried that it was going to be good. In my head, having something good with a guy all the way on the other side of the country was a logistical nightmare that my head didn’t even want to compute.

The one thing I didn’t take into account was that if there weren’t any axes to be seen… and if it wasn’t bad or awkward… and if there was more of a spark than even I was prepared for… then it would be good….

…and nothing else would matter.
And the paranoia would dissipate.
And I’d be left with something that was natural and good.

That is what I got. A truly wonderful weekend with an amazing man.

I know that the concept of what I want is fluid at best, but I saw last weekend that there are some things that are more important to me than I realized. And the ironic part is they are all the small things, even minute, that meant more than the grand gestures. He reached for my hand when we walked. He groped me under the table. He marveled at the softness of my skin. He stood behind me in the checkout line at the bookstore sniffing my neck cause he couldn’t get over how great I smelled (yeah, that was my melting point). I’m positive that half of Phoenix saw us and thought we were completely and disgustingly pathetic. I loved it.

And did I mention he thinks my shoes are just the sexiest things? Score one for summer sandals.

Right now, all I can say is that there isn’t anything better than waking up in his arms with one of the puppies*** asleep on my feet. I want more of that.

And I’m going to get it (sans puppies, though) next month we are meeting in New Orleans. We’ve decided to spend a few days enjoying the Quarter before heading out to Sarah’s Elevation.

So, yes, it was a good weekend – even great. So great that I didn’t even care that he threw a lamp at me****.

_{*”bad” of course varying from “bad” to “VERYBAD” and all levels in between.
** based on my track record these are things that must be considered…
*** how can 2 puppies be THAT cute and loving? And he didn’t believe me when I told him that I had never met a dog that didn’t love me, and that bribing wouldn’t needed.
**** That is my story and I’m sticking to it… cause if he didn’t throw it then how in the world did it manage to hit me in the forehead. Don’t listen to his story cause he says that he wasn’t even in the room at the time and that I did it to myself. Now how could I possibly throw at lamp at myself, I ask you? I maintain he did it in retaliation because he believes I taught one of the puppies how to jump up on the kitchen counters. Which for the record? I *so* didn’t. Why would I do that?}

Today?

I went to a nudist colony. A “strictly full nudity” (as in not “clothing optional”) colony.

I did this for work and not by any means for myself. Did you know that people ACTUALLY LIVE inside these places? Naïve me always thought they were resort type places or possibly like a country club. I never knew they were places that people actually purchased real estate… for their primary residence. I didn’t realize there were people in this world willing to drop $500k on a house in a subdivision inside a nudist colony.

Before this project came up at work, I really knew next to nothing about nudist colonies… and I was kinda okay with that. I was incredibly cool with the idea that there were people in this world who wanted to spend their vacations naked (not my bag but everyone is allowed their own special brand of kink). Because that is all I thought this idea consisted of. Now? Now I know more than I ever wanted to know. And frankly? I’m disgusted.

Why? Because today while I was being driven around by a security guard on a golf cart he took me to the clubhouse area which contained all your usual amenities you would expect to see around a subdivision’s clubhouse. A pool, a café, tennis courts, shuffleboard, a driving range, … and a playground.

This place is “family friendly”… they allow families – families with small children. And in what universe do the phrases “family friendly” and “strictly full nudity” ever have the right to be combined?

There have been very few times in my life where I have felt the need to come home and scrub my skin raw… when a normal shower still leaves me feeling unclean. Today was one of those days.

If you ever find yourself debating whether or not to open that 3rd bottle of wine

…opt for no.

Ok so in the latest trip to Borders – I went a little wild. I realized that all of my recent trips to bookstores were to purchase books on CD to keep me occupied during all my driving and meanwhile the well of books available for actual reading was growing evermore dusty. So there was a 3 for 2 table…and there was a second 3 for 2 table… and finally a 3^rd. So I stocked up. And instead of just randomly pulling another book out of the bags I figured I would get some friendly advice.

Have you read any of these? Which one should I read next? Any input at all?

- Empress Orchid by Anchee Min
- The Asian Mystique: Dragon Ladies, Geisha Girls, And Our Fantasies of the Exotic Orient by Sheridan Prasso
- The Constant Princess by Philippa Gregory
- The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova – Actually finished this one today. Incredibly intriguing but in an almost tedious manner. Then when she realized that she had already written 660 pages… she wrapped up the book rather abruptly in another 20 pages. Not recommended for reading while trying to fall asleep – book will give you odd dreams.
- Labyrinth by Kate Mosse
- Rebecca’s Tale by Sally Beauman
- Last of the Amazons by Steven Pressfield
- Moloka’i by Alan Brennert – Finished this one first and in a one night read-a-thon. Loved this book. Possibly one of the best books I have read this year.
- The Divided Crown by Isabel Glass

So what think you?