Catching up.

In this entry, you get to read all about my traveling adventures over the past month. Starting with a short (read: waste of my time) trip to Chicago for work. Then my adventures teaching at an Inter-Kingdom Squires’ Retreat. And then finally all about my experiences as Ms. Expert Witness.

My trip to Chicago (“OH! This is the reason I don’t like my job!”)

Some of you will recall back when I worked in Texas. Some of you will also be able to recall that the majority of my job tasks were based on tasks no one else wanted to do. And that this led to a reputation of being quite the holy terror of the company. There was panic when I walked into an office unannounced. A manager once even climbed out his window to avoid me. You might even be able to remember that year when for my birthday my CEO gave me business cards identical to my standard ones except instead of my title they read “The Henchman”

One day (now a few weeks ago) all of this came back to haunt me. It was Thursday morning and I got an email from my former CEO. The email was regarding a conference to take place that afternoon and it had been sent to about 12 people. I noticed however that I was the only person outside that territory invited… in fact on closer inspection this call was centered around senior management for Central States North – specifically Chicago. I replied because surely there must be some mistake. Why in the world would I need to be present for this call? The reply I got back was adamant that I was expected… with no explanation.

My first thought? Fuck! They want to transfer me to Chicago.

Time for the call rolls around, I phone in, and everyone is saying their hellos and whatnot when I get another email. This one is from our corporate air fleet informing me that the jet was flying in that night from Texas so we could leave the following morning at 5 a.m. for Chicago, And would I like to request any special snacks or beverages for the trip?

Jet?
Leave?
5 a.m.?
Chicago?
…
What the fuck is going on?

(If you recall my days in Texas, you can also recall my great dislike for the tiny tin can my company refers to as a private jet. And trust me when I say that having access to a private jet isn’t always as glamorous as the movies and the billionaires make it seem. I mean for the plane to fly at full capacity, which is always optimal, someone is actually expected to sit on the toilet. Note I didn’t say “in the bathroom” because the toilet actually sits under one of the seats in the main cabin, seriously.)

30 minutes into the call my purpose is finally revealed…. And I my temper comes to a full boil while I wait for the call to end so I can call my former CEO and lose my shit properly. Cause see by the end of the call it was 6:30 p.m. and I had to call my assistant tell him to pull out his black suit and meet me at the airport at 4:30 a.m. the next morning. Then I had to run to Macy’s to buy me a black suit.

Then my assistant and I both ended up pulling an all nighter at the office to get some reports out that HAD to go out Friday… but we weren’t going to be around to finish them on schedule.

We arrived at the airport at 4:15 a.m. to fly to Chicago… for a 4 hour stay.

So I could fire someone.

That doesn’t even work for me.
That I have never even met.

Thousands of dollars wasted (and not to mention my time) because no one in that entire territory had the balls to fire one lousy guy. I was pissed. I was especially pissed because I was asked to do something that is normally considered incredibly taboo (All senior management is strongly encouraged to not interfere in any way with the management of territories outside their own) as a personal favor and “for old times sake”.

At least our driver was able to locate this great vegan restaurant for us to lunch at on the way back to the airport.

Next!

My venturing out to a weekend Squires’ Retreat (“OH! This is why I love the SCA!”)

Some Knights got together and decided to do an unofficial Inter-Kingdom Squires’ Retreat. A total of 6 Knights and about 35 squires… and me. (okay and the 2 wives that did all the cooking for the weekend).

My name came up after a few guys remembered some classes I taught at a Known World Rattan Symposium a few years back, and I was asked if I would be willing to come out of retirement (did you know I retired? I didn’t know I had retired… maybe a bit of hiatus-ing but not a real retirement.) to teach the squires some manners. Specifically courtesies of the field – requesting a favor, honoring your consort, opponent, opponent’s consort, etc., and field challenges. All vaguely geared towards Crown List, because apparently all Kingdoms seem to be pushing their fighters who have never entered The List before to give it a shot.

I was game and agreed, because honestly? If I ever see a squire sitting on a stool list side the morning of Crown List wearing a sign around his neck stating “Will fight in Crown for food and beer.” again my heart will probably stop and I’m certain there will be tears.

I was a little apprehensive going because I knew so few of the guys attending – so unlike the last squires’ retreat I taught at where I knew every single squire and most I considered family. That was like a family reunion. This? Was a bit intimidating. And after the drama that happened when I worked with some of the squires out here when I first arrived I wasn’t actually certain how I was going to be received.

When I got there late Friday night I noticed something interesting. Most of the squires were well on their way to getting trashed… and not one Knight was drinking. I could literally count the smart squires (the ones following the examples of their Knight) on 1 hand.

When I headed to my room to get some sleep one of the Knights I was sharing a room with informed me of some of the morning plans. Poor squires were going to feel some pain in the morning. Whistles started going off a 6a.m.

By 6:10 the squires who had been under the impression that all that talk about being productive this weekend was really a lie they were telling their wives back home were starting to realize just how wrong they were. And by 6:15 all squires were out of bed… and running laps. By 6:30 the ones who had imbibed a bit too much the night before were losing everything they had behind a bush.

Breakfast at 7:30 wasn’t a cheerful affair.

I had a blast however. I spent all morning sitting on a porch with my feet propped up reading my book and watching the boys drill. There was a short break for lunch and my class was pushed back so the guys could get as much time in fighting before the rains came.

By 3:00 it was raining so hard that even the guys still fighting under the covered pavilion had to stop because the water was lapping over their feet. The guys headed off to shower (I prefer working with clean squires) by the time they had returned to the main hall we had lost power. So I taught my class in gloomy rainy sunlight, but it went really well.

I had planned to head home after dinner, but some of the guys ran into town before dinner for some supplies and when they got back a 6-pack of chic beer was dumped in my lap and I was informed that I may as well start drinking because the rain was too bad for me to drive anywhere.

There was dinner and there was lots of bullshitting (all by lantern light). And I realized all squires in all Kingdoms have the same stories as long as you let the enemy be interchangeable.

For just about everyone it was a fairly early night, the boys were all dead tired and the rain was making everyone really sleepy. I got a few hard hours of sleep in before the electricity came back on blinding the entire room in light… and was just getting back to sleep when a corner of the roof gave way and our room started to flood. I slept on and off for the rest of the night as the water that was coming in from the leaking corner had to flow under my bed to reach the drain.

I woke up early and drove home as quick as I could in the pounding rain so I could crawl my happy ass back into bed for the rest of the day/night. But really all in all it was a really good weekend. I actually had fun and enjoyed myself at an SCA activity. I can’t tell you how long it has been since that has happened. I had enough fun that I’m actually am willing to give my local barony another chance to not suck.

So we shall see. But until then I think Gleann Abhann needs a Squires’ retreat.

Next!

Ms. Expert Witness.

This is where I had planned on telling you all about my new exciting double life as an expert witness for a certain federal authority. That was until I received orders today that I wasn’t allowed to discuss the cases I’m working on with anyone outside of my immediate staff and legal representation. Just know that it is still shiny and new and much more glamorous than having use of the company’s jet.

See I’ve been writing this entry over the past 20 hours or so and it keeps morphing on me. I started out talking about cupcakes and the demise of cake… then there was some sappy patheticness… followed by lamenting about mottling skin (pesky sunburn…so sexy) and raging migraines… I gave up when I started veering into garb research.

So instead, I’m going to try and gather my mind enough to focus on a meme. It has been forever since I’ve done a meme. And frankly? Based on how my last week went, I’m willing to try anything to ward off a repeat… even a MondayMeme.

And maybe next time we can talk about cupcakes…

(Read on …)

Ok guys… today is the day I found out just how defunct my uterus really is. It’s funny, I’ve been putting off this testing for so long that my mind goes to a million different places when I start to think about what the outcome of today could mean…so I’m not going to think about it anymore. Just deep breaths and showtunes.

I’ve just finished a long hot bath, and now I’m off for an ultrasound, and then some bonding time with a set of stirrups. And after that? A massage. Cause regardless of what this afternoon holds for me… if my day involves a speculum then I deserve a damn massage… and possibly chocolate (since chocolate is about the only thing “bad” for me that I can eat while doing only raw foods. Which for the record is going stupidly well. Eating has never been so easy. Eating has never been so much fun. I’m amazed at how great having a real appetite makes me feel. Even if I am still sleeping way too much.)

Cross your fingers.

Ok so in the latest trip to Borders – I went a little wild. I realized that all of my recent trips to bookstores were to purchase books on CD to keep me occupied during all my driving and meanwhile the well of books available for actual reading was growing evermore dusty. So there was a 3 for 2 table…and there was a second 3 for 2 table… and finally a 3^rd. So I stocked up. And instead of just randomly pulling another book out of the bags I figured I would get some friendly advice.

Have you read any of these? Which one should I read next? Any input at all?

- Empress Orchid by Anchee Min
- The Asian Mystique: Dragon Ladies, Geisha Girls, And Our Fantasies of the Exotic Orient by Sheridan Prasso
- The Constant Princess by Philippa Gregory
- The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova – Actually finished this one today. Incredibly intriguing but in an almost tedious manner. Then when she realized that she had already written 660 pages… she wrapped up the book rather abruptly in another 20 pages. Not recommended for reading while trying to fall asleep – book will give you odd dreams.
- Labyrinth by Kate Mosse
- Rebecca’s Tale by Sally Beauman
- Last of the Amazons by Steven Pressfield
- Moloka’i by Alan Brennert – Finished this one first and in a one night read-a-thon. Loved this book. Possibly one of the best books I have read this year.
- The Divided Crown by Isabel Glass

So what think you?

Saturday Night? I stayed at my Mother’s and slept tried to sleep on the worst mattress ever owned. Even with packing my own featherbed it didn’t work out so well. Other factors to the non-sleeping had to do with the fact that despite telling everyone what a bad idea it is to try and read a novel about Vlad the Impaler while trying to fall asleep… I went ahead and read the damn book anyway.

Sunday Night? I had been asleep for less than 30 minutes when my phone rings. Knowing that anyone calling at 2:30 a.m. is only calling because their hair is on fire – I answered. And listened to drunken sobbing till the sun came up because some asshat of a female decided to dump a friend of mine about 36 seconds after he asked her to move in with him. Smooth. So now? This weekend I plan to take him to a casino and get him drunk. Because I figure that is what one of the guys would do, right?

Monday Night? I wasn’t even asleep when the phone rang this time. I debated not answering it but what if this friend’s hair really was on fire? Then I would feel guilty. So I answered and then sat on the phone again all night with a friend who had been kicked out of his house by his very pregnant and very upset wife.

By Tuesday my body was shutting down and trying to typr camee out soomething lide this, So I posted announcements where announcements where needed and sent out text messages where the announcements couldn’t reach. And then I did something I never do. I turned my phone off. In the middle of the day. During a week when I am expecting a phone call from my CEO. And I went to sleep. It happened in 2-4 hour shifts, but by this morning I had accumulated over 10 hours of sleep and amazingly enough all the various pains I was feeling yesterday are gone and I’m back to typing at least semi-literate.

So this weekend – my original plan was something along the lines of taking a joyride up to Mississippi, stopping at flea market or 2, and some other shops along the way… with the final destination being the storage unit that Sarah and I store our SCA shit in. Then I would mosey my way back home by way of an outlet mall and a huge ass fabric store.

Now? Instead of going alone, I’m taking a heartbroken friend. And instead of making all my little shopping stops, we are going to one of the Gulf Coast casinos. Where I will keep him liquored up and playing blackjack… and if the situation deems it necessary I will find him a rebound chick… because according to another male friend that is what guys need in this situation – booze, gambling, and rebound sex. And I’m a good friend like that.

Then next week barring any huge major employment changes (did I mention I’m waiting for a call from my new CEO so he can explain to me how he is going to turn my life upside down? Yeah.) I plan on taking every afternoon off so I can come home and do a spring clear out. Not really cleaning – cleaning is covered. It is just that I have too much junk… and clutter. And when I look at my house and try to figure out the best place in which I could stretch out to do my yoga and play with my big ball…the best answer I could come up with was my kitchen. And all the clothes I packed up to give away last fall? Yeah, they are still sitting in boxes in the back of a closet. So it is all going out the front door next week. Sarah and I are trying to figure out how to rig a conveyor belt in my home leading straight to the curb.

Now? Now I’m going to go try and finish reading that book about Vlad…before the sun goes down.

Just because I am capable of honoring our dear dead Presidents in the proper way…

Everybody should be able to spend today in bed watching silly chick movies on USA, reading books, eating takeout leftovers, drinking pot after pot… after pot of tea, and reveling in sweats under blankets in a bedroom that is 56 degrees.

It is only proper, after all.

I’ll deal with all the other complicated shit later.

A few people have mentioned problems (not that you have really missed anything recently) with not getting their passwords emailed to them and/or not being able to see the private entries.  As of right now, everyone who has registered has been approved and you should be all set to go.  If you don’t have your password, please drop me an email and I’ll get it reset for you.  Thanks!

Dear Internet,

If you haven’t seen the announcement already… then you might want to refresh (F5) your screen a time or two.

Have a nice day,

Sabine

So what do you talk about when the thing that is first and foremost in your mind is something you can’t talk about? And the second thing is an uber secret evil plan with an emphasis on the secret part?

…

The Blackberry Green Tea Frappuccino doesn’t suck near as much as I expected it to. I may even dig it a bit… well as much as I can dig a Starbuck’s beverage that has no coffee in it.

…

Yeah, I got nuthin’.

…

Oh! Sarah asked for songs! Songs I can do. In fact a while back I ran across a song that really spoke to me and it reminds me of Sarah a bit, as well. Cause while the changes we are going thru aren’t the same we are both going thru a changing stage whether we like it or not…
So here you go, Sarah. Love you.

“In Your Own Way” by Caleb Kane

And take a minute to reflect in your own way
Take your time and connect in your own way
I know it’s good to be alone some days
But you got a long face in your own way, baby
I know you got a big heart in your own way
Independent and smart in your own way
And even though you get along somehow
You’re missing out now in your own way, baby

And since you asked so nicely I’ll even let you borrow my 2 personal anthems.

“One Hit Wonder” by Everclear

and

“Walk the Walk” by Poe

Don’t you just love how when you sit on a decision you don’t want to have to make… after a while the decision just makes itself? The biggest query of my month just answered itself. Life is once again balanced simply because I put off making a phone call by a week.

Whoever said there isn’t virtue in procrastination was entirely too ambitious.

I’ll be dead.

This weekend I encountered 2 very different types of boys. The first, after a very unexpected phone call, had me sleeping like a baby for a good portion of the night. But the second? The second had me up all night pawing thru closets and pacing the floors.

If I’m lucky I might get 2 or 3 hours of sleep on an average night and woe to the boy who takes That away from me. It makes me grumpy almost as grumpy as the fact that all of my brilliant moments come at 3 a.m. This boy in question?

James.

Yesterday in a volley of phone calls this evil plan of James’ was born. An evil plan, which I love. An evil plan, which involves me dressing up. An evil plan, which enables me to play with accessories. An evil plan, that after trying on just about everything I own it was decided that I’m going to have to start from scratch.

Now talking to Sarah, we worked out a plan where I was at least starting with a base garment that I already owned. It wasn’t perfect but it would work and I wouldn’t have to stress over having to start from the beginning…

Until 3 a.m. this morning.

When I realized that I had been an idiot. When I realized that the entire night the perfect fabric for this was already in a box prepped and ready to go to Amalia and with a bit of tweaking would be perfect. Now I just have to track down my seamstress and beg for that dress to be done a month earlier.

And then find accessories.

And probably end up having to make accessories.

This hurts, James. It’s a good pain but it hurts. That is until I wind up burning my fingers on a glue gun, then? Well then I only have 2 words of advice for you, James.

Shin Guards.

Cause it will be all your fault.

(Read on …)

I could write about how my trip to North Carolina ended with me not being able to figure out how to return a car at the airport in Ocean City, Maryland.
I could write about how unless I can manage to pull something highly creative and downright brilliant out of my ass I’ll be in Georgia by week end.
I could write about my family invading my life this weekend.
I could write about how incredibly unfair I feel the standards of raising children are in my family and I could even go so far as to bitch at the fact that I got a damn short straw.
I could write about my mother continuing to invade my life for the rest of this week.
I could write about how I’m still dwelling and how so uncool that is.
I could write about how missing Aaron win Crown made me so incredibly homesick.
I could write about how somehow someway I completely lost my Sunday.
I could write about how in all the hoopla I totally forgot that I am spearheading a company wide meeting in 90 minutes despite the fact that I haven’t a clue what I plan to say.

But all of that would be negative and I am trying so desperately to not go there today. So you guys step up and tell me how your weekends went and maybe later on I’ll have it in me to regale all of you with tales of bra shopping and retail therapy…