Somehow when I updated this post last time it went to private, so a few people have missed this.  Terribly sorry. Please see below.

Dear Internet,

Sometimes I feel as if this is nothing but a group of kindergartners. And true to form when one child fucks up they inevitably end up ruining it for the whole class. Effective immediately, if you want to read more than the most basic of basic content you are going to have to register and get an ID. I’m sorry, this is the last thing in the world I want to do, but for those of you who have been around since the beginning you know precisely what happened last time I let this get out of control and I personally have no desire to revisit that again.

So to the person with the complete lack of common decency and respect: you don’t know me, you are not my friend, and you have absolutely no right to be sitting on your ass speculating to others about what my content really means… so please kindly fuck off.

That being said I have made it as easy as I possibly can to register for the site. All you need to provide is your chosen ID and your email address, after submitting you will have a password emailed to you. You can then login and change that password to whatever you want it to be. After I get my notification that I have a new user then I can set your user level so you can view content. For those of you who have registered in the past, and might need help remembering what the ID or password is, just drop me an email.

Again I apologize for having to do this, I don’t want to lose any of my readers over this but I’ve been thru this once before and it ultimately had me shutting down the site and moving here to get away from the vultures. I don’t want to have to run from them again, so I must set up some sort of defense.

Thanks for your support and please bear with me.

Sabine

Update: A few people have asked for the specifics on what happened to cause this, and while the lesser part of me wants to point fingers I’m trying out the higher road for once. Besides the guilty parties know full well who they are and what they did, and that is enough for me for now.

Oh, and you can find the “Register” link at the bottom of the left column under the “Meta” header.

Dear Internet,

If you haven’t seen the announcement already… then you might want to refresh (F5) your screen a time or two.

Have a nice day,

Sabine

I never, not once, wanted to be a lawyer. Ever. The idea has never appealed to me. So will someone please explain to me how I managed to end up in a field that required me to sit thru 30 hours of real estate law every year?

30 hours of the most boring shit you can ever comphrend.

That is where I’ve been for the past 2 days. 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. And I still have tomorrow to survive.

I.Want.To.Slit.My.Wrists.

Someone save me…

The quote is -

Darling, a true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires.
– Lazarus Long (Robert A. Heinlein)

I’ve never been considered a prude. Behind closed doors I don’t give a damn what you do. I don’t care if you are cheating on your husband with his best friend. I don’t care if you have a shoe or a rope fetish. Hell I don’t even care if takes a monkey, 8 guys, and a clown nose to get you off as long as you have the courtesy to not do it in front of my face. And in return, I promise that you will never have to witness my own special brand of kink.

I’ve always considered that to be a common standard, but apparently I’m mistaken. Sex, or acts that are sexual in nature, is no longer limited to locations where everyone is a consenting adult. I’m constantly bombarded by women trying to prove their sexuality in more and more increasingly pubic environments. And I don’t understand. Is it a lack of caring about what people think? Or are you trying to shock people? Is it peer pressure?

Am I the only one left that believes that things that are sexual in nature are best left for a private affair? I understand that the term private can be a very encompassing term. I understand that there are public places in which sexual acts are not considered taboo – strip clubs for instance, everyone here knows exactly what to expect when one steps into a strip club. All it takes is a glance at a club’s flyer. There will be women in varying stages of undress, which is the definition of strip clubs.

However that is not the definition of an event. And no where in an event announcement is the warning that I will witness nudity. But that hasn’t stopped me from witnessing more and more women who believe that after a certain hour it is okay to go topless at event. When I see it, I leave. I have to, some of these girls are good friends of mine and I love them dearly… and I don’t want to lose the respect I have for them. But I see that action as a loss of self-respect because in my head you are placing a lesser value on your body by allowing yourself to be used as someone else’s entertainment.

And if nudity is okay at events now… then where does it stop?

I have discussed my opinions extensively with some of the members of Marshin Fayne regarding the Clan’s need to “push the envelope” when it comes to their parties and that the only aspect of “pushing the envelope” that they see as viable is one of a public sexual nature. It is not what I come to events for; in fact I attend events for quite the opposite reason. Events for me are a place where I can go to get away from the darker ideals of the world. I’m there for the social interactions involving courtesy, chivalry, and honor. Not to witness a woman being tied to a whipping post for a “Whipping Master” to abuse her.

Maybe I do have a prudish nature.

But while I will have to agree with Sarah that the word choice in the quote isn’t the best… frankly, it’s Heinlein, and can you really expect greatness from the man in regards to women? The idea behind the quote has a great deal of merit. The activities you participate in behind closed doors shouldn’t play into your daily life. Bringing your sex life into the workplace is never a great idea. And the same goes for other aspects of your life. People will respect you more, if you leave a bit of mystery. And the person who you share that private self with will feel even more special knowing that they see a part of you that others are denied.

And as a complete aside, am I really the only person who has absolutely no problem with the word “whore”? It is nothing more than a label… and labels only have power if you allow them to. The emotions behind a label can be negative, depending on who is speaking it but is the word itself really deserving of such hate?

—-

All of that being said this was not the post I set out to write. Not even close really. I had a much more personal… and somewhat more light hearted approach planned for this. When I finally sat down to write, this was what came out. Maybe once I have a bit more time I can sit down and write the post I wanted.

If you have the chance today, take a stroll over to my other domain… specifically -

www.ameline.purpleermine.com

Baroness Ameline is one of my favorite people. She’s the Baroness of Elfsea in Ansteorra, and I still to this day consider her to be my Baroness. A few weeks ago the Crown of Ansteorra announced Their intention to elevate her to the Order of the Laurel, and asked that she sit vigil this weekend. Ameline knows that many people won’t be able to attend the event on such short notice so she came to me for a solution. I have created for her a “virtual vigil” of sorts that hopefully will be something she can treasure for some time to come.

So please stop by say “Hi!” or “Congratulations!” and share with her any words of wisdom you may have on the path she begins tomorrow.

Ok a bit of explanation about that last post. You see Sarah started a new challenge. All the rules can accessed here, but the gist is that she started last Monday with a quote challenge for anyone who wished to participate and chose me to do this Monday’s new quote and to chose next week’s quote master out of everyone who participated last week.

So here we are on my Monday – I wanted to get this up sooner but after driving home from TheBoy’s place to find my Mother waiting for me in my home… well it has been a long day. But it is still Monday so I haven’t broken the rules quite yet.

Choosing a quote was kinda difficult the first quote my mind went for was on the deep end, and well, Sarah kinda covered the deep part last week. So I went in a different direction… with a quote that already has a bit of history with me… but I’ll save that for my actual post.

The quote is -

Yeah. One can have fun with that.

And I chose to pass this torch onto Bri next week, so remember if you want your own turn at being the QuoteMaster then you have to participate. If you choose to participate, please post a comment here in this post with a link to your post; and it must be a public post available for anyone to read… and Bri will pick her victim from that list next Monday.

Did I miss anything?

Happy Trails! And now if you will excuse me… I have a Mother to placate so my bit of an essay will have to wait till tomorrow.

MaryMary

Bri

CinnKitty

Shelia

Sarah

Kat

Evil Sara

Rixende

So, Carl Moustakas said…
Accept everything about yourself — I mean everything. You are you and that is the beginning and the end — no apologies, no regrets.

Accept everything about myself? Ok. It may be temporary (Fate knows it has been so before…) but for right now that comes amazingly easy for me.

It helps that at the 2 times in my life when I began to feel as if my life was getting away from me and turning into something I didn’t recognize that I found myself picking up that strange life and moving it across the country to a place where I only had myself to rely on.

The first time came when I was running from HeWhoMustNotBeNamedButShallRotInPrison.  I found myself broken, but even worse… a stranger in my own skin. As always the first step to healing is acceptance. I did a lot of accepting.  And in that I learned just who I had become in the years that I wasn’t free.  Frankly?  I was disgusted at who I was. For months I hid myself away.  Almost a year passed before I even attempted to get out start to meet people.  I had to learn to become someone that I could love and accept before I would be willing to introduce that person to others.  But the day came when it wasn’t so hard to venture outside of my home.  That I was a strong enough person to go out in public for dinner or a movie by myself, and later on with new friends I had made (infinitely scarier than the act of going it alone).

The person I became wasn’t always a person I could be proud of, but it was someone I could accept. I still had a bevy of issues to deal with, but I had every right to those issues… I had earned them.  Ask Jenn someday the sheer panic that trampled me when the first guy asked me out on a date.  It wasn’t the proudest moment of my life, but I was just happy to feel that I had something to otherwise be proud of.

Then last year it happened again.  I was going and going and going.  I wasn’t stopping.  I’m not even sure I would have known how.  I caught myself in this life that was amazing, but I couldn’t keep up. I couldn’t find a balance.  I was going to events to relax, because doing all the things I used to do at an event was a serious step down in my activity level.  I had stopped sleeping.  Not like I was down to the 2-4 hours a night I’m getting now – more like 2 hours every 3 days.  I just never stopped.  I was in a relatively unhealthy but “safe” relationship. Work was driving me to drink. The drama wasn’t stopping.  And I began to forget myself.

And then one Monday morning it all came to a slamming halt.  I was leaving again, and while I had no real desire to leave it could not have come at a better time. I wasn’t to my breaking point, but it was just around the corner. So I went back into seclusion.  Other than the daily phone calls with Sarah and Chris and my contact thru my websites, I spoke to no one.  Once again I found myself with a need to start over and become that person that I could love again.

And possibly, I’m still working on it.  I love myself once again, I’m even someone that I feel is worthy of being allowed in public.  And I find that the healing is almost complete.  I can go days without thinking of my past. I can speak my mind without fear.  I can make a mistake without feeling the need to berate myself. Having a man in my life, doesn’t have me holding my breath waiting for the bottom to fall out of my world.  Which is a wonderful thing since whether I can say it out loud or not; I am in a relationship now.  And for the first time in more years than I can remember; it is a healthy one that is giving me absolutely everything I need (and a few things I didn’t know I wanted)… and still leaves me wanting more.

So every day it gets a bit easier to live this life with no regrets.  I can now say that I don’t regret the decisions I have made that have brought me where I am.  I could very easily.  No one would blame for wishing I had kept on walking the night HeWhoMustNotBeNamedButShallRotInPrison stopped me in that bar, but amazingly enough I don’t.  I learned so much from that experience that I can’t possibly wish it gone.  And I continue to learn from it and the other mistakes I make.  And if that day comes when I seriously fuck it all up again, then I’ll know how to deal with it.  How to evolve.