So the past few days have been unbelievably hectic I had planned on putting aside this entire weekend for reassembling my house post War. And while I was able to get most of that done, I also had to be 100% prepared (without looking at all prepared) for a surprise inspection from the Corporate muckmucks. Yeah for the last 2 days, I have had the ImportantPeople stalking around … looking important. And I? Came off like a rockstar. Of course that required me pulling 2 all-nighters at the office, but that is why I have a couch and a shower in my office… cause rockstars must shower.

Last night was really the first night that I have had off since I got back from War. And since earlier in the day I had blogged about pho – the tummy started being all demanding and adamant… and well I do try my best to keep the tummy at least somewhat amicable. So there was pho and there was a jaunt across the street to the mall with the intention of Ben & Jerry’s but upon entering the mall I realized I was far too full for ice cream. I opted for walking and as I walked a conversation I had with Sarah about being in need of some good retail therapy pulled itself up from the back burrows of my mind. (HateSarahSoSoMuch) And then Victoria’s Secret was having a sale and I had a personal shopping day saved on my card. Almost $400 later I’m making a beeline for my car… thru Macy’s. Which by the way is having an awesome shoe sale… and now I’m the proud owner of 5 new pairs of shoes and a pair of boots – including new sassy red heels for the new first date dress that might have fallen into my hands this weekend while I was waiting for my vacuum to be repaired.

So yeah tomorrow a haircut and a pedicure and hopefully a day to be able to sit down and catch up on some personal stuff… and renewing my lease on the Condo (yeah - stuck here for another year…. but then I’m on the first bus out of dodge.)

But seriously? All you shoe fiends need to take a trip up to Macy’s, like today. And swing by Victoria’s while you are there… cause all new shoes deserve new accoutrements.

Only for Bri -

Real Moms Nannies forget to teach you how to eat with a fork.

I have been tagged by Bri to participate in the Real Mom Nanny meme that has been working it’s way across the Mom circuit. Basically the rules are this: Put up a post “Real Moms Nannies [insert what you yours do did here]”, followed by an explanation, a picture, and a “Real Moms Nannies. Making ….”. Then tag five people.

I don’t talk about my family much. I don’t talk about my childhood (outside of a few flippant remarks) at all. Mainly because there is just no way for most people to comprehend just what a miserable wreck my family is. But I’ll delve a bit today.

I was born a mistake, a big oops, yet another blemish on my Mother’s record…

No one wanted a kid. Hell I’m fairly certain if I had been given a vote I would have voted “Hell No” as well. The intention was always that I was going to be put up for adoption after birth, but there were some medical issues and a late night attack of conscience… and Mother ended up with a baby to raise on her own. Dad was still in the picture as much as he ever was, but as a rather popular musician he was never around much until the day came when he wasn’t around at all.

That left my Mother, a woman without an ounce of maternal instinct… so she did what she did best – she threw money at the problem till the problem was solved. The solution came in the form of To Lan, my Vietnamese Nanny – the woman who really raised me like a daughter. It was never dull, I can say that. To Lan had never raised a child, let alone an American, before so there were some gaps in my young education. It wasn’t until I got to school that I realized that I didn’t know what a fork was… or how to use one… or that that made me odd. She ate with chopsticks so I learned to eat with chopsticks. She never taught me to pray to a Christian God. She was Buddhist and so she taught me her beliefs. The bed time stories I got weren’t quite the same since my Cinderella was named Tam and her slipper was brocaded. I ate pho for breakfast every morning not knowing that American options included things like biscuits, gravy, and bacon (all of which I now love in unhealthy proportions). She never mentioned that a child was actually supposed to lose her teeth at some point and I think because of that I will always be traumatized.

No, it certainly wasn’t dull.

But she loved me in way no one else ever has. For 3 weeks she slept in a chair next to my hospital bed while my Mother toured Venice. When I had nightmares, she was always there before I even called out. When my Mother was gone for the entire winter holiday season, To Lan was the one who finally packed me up and took me to Hanoi for Tet so I could know what it was like to celebrate the holidays with a family. When I was sad and frustrated, she wiped my tears. When my Mother decided it was time to send me to a boarding school, we wiped each others’ tears. To Lan was the one that without fail showed up for every Parent Day and every birthday. Every care package of contraband goodies came with a loving note from her. And then when I was a teenager she taught me how to swear in Vietnamese so I could impress my friends. She attended my graduation when my Mother forgot to show. She made my veil for my wedding with her own hands.

Relations between my Mother have improved greatly since I entered adulthood. But we look at each other more as friends than we do family. She knows that space in my heart that was reserved for her was filled long ago by another woman. She knows that she gets the second phone call of the day on Mother’s Day. She chose that place. And though we never talk about it, I’m still fairly certain that all of us are incredibly happy with roles we play.

Real Moms Nannies. Making Picking up the slack of lousy Mothers everywhere.

And I’m not tagging anyone since I’m not really hip in the Mommy crowd being all “sans kid and pretty damned pleased about it!”

Damn it has been awhile, hasn’t it?

I’m a slacker… but at least I’m back with a good one.

Sacrilege or Brilliance?

I vote Brilliance but then again we all know my weakness with boys and their guitars.  And that voice… I’ve loved that voice every since I managed to snag a bootleg copy of his first CD.  Oh, and I hate U2.  So I’m biased.

Libra

Peace and quiet are high on your must-have list, especially when you consider the recent compromises and sacrifices you’ve made. Declare your independence from the self-absorbed and the selfish.

Maybe that is why I’ve been sleeping 12 hours a day and biting off the heads of anyone who opens their mouth too wide.  I need a nap… and a dark quiet movie theater.  Today is one of those days when you just want to disappear and watch 5 movies in a row with lots of butter on your popcorn. I’ll even watch bad movies if it means I can have peace and quiet… and luckily today is one of those days I can get away with disappearing.

byebye.

So after returning home on Monday, I got a call from my Grandmother letting me know that both of my puppies had passed away while I was at War.  And no matter how much you are expecting that phone call.. no matter how much you know this time has been coming for over a year – it still hits you incredibly hard. My Schnauzer, Haas has had cancer for about 6 months now and they had to put him to sleep on Saturday… and true to all expectations Jasmine, my Dane, followed him less than 4 days later.

I can’t help but feel guilty.  I know the life they had on the ranch was the best life a retired dog could have.  I know they were loved terribly while they were there (My Grandmother had both of them buried in the family cemetery. She has even ordered headstones.)  But I still feel like I abandoned them, and the fact that I wasn’t there for them at the end is what really hurts. I loved those damn mutts.

But the circle of life never ends and a few hours after the call from Grandmother, my Mother called to announce there are new puppies in her house.  And that I should come and bask in some serious puppy lovin’.  She also hinted that I should pick one out for my very own… but I don’t think that is the best idea.  I know the work environment has gotten better and I’m home much more than I used to be, but it still isn’t enough to be fair to a puppy (and if I was to get a puppy and down the road I wanted to do something stupid I couldn’t threaten Sarah with my puppy wanting anymore).  Besides I’m much too flighty and much too prone to getting in my car or on a plane on a Friday afternoon with no notice and that wouldn’t be much fun for a puppy either.

Speaking of - anyone want to join me on a trip to Aruba… oh like say – in May?  Cause I’m thinking I need a hammock in a resort with all the fruity cocktails I can drink.  But since I don’t want to deal with the drama of going home right now… I’m thinking Aruba.

_{(it helps if you read this out loud to yourself using the strongest Texas twang you can muster… it really does lend the proper character and mood of the words)}

Well another Gulf Wars come and gone. And if you are just now showing up to catch Sabine’s Highlight Reel, then you have missed out and I’m not even certain that I could catch you up.

It wasn’t a great War. It wasn’t a shitty War, although I’ve been informed that I have more than enough right to refer to it as such. Luckily entirely too many people love me entirely too much. And I’m not sure why cause I sure as hell don’t deserve it.

But I think I’m going to end up chalking this War up as an odd one. Maybe in few weeks when things settle and my laundry is finally all washed; maybe then I can move it to the “good” column… but for now? We shall stick with odd.

Every year, I’ve offered a recap. This year it is just too much to take in. There were a lot of highs and a lot of lows… a lot of angry and mean but also a lot of happy and fun. Some disappointments but some surprises. Honestly looking back everything balanced itself out fairly damn well and really turned out for the best all the way around. (Don’t you hate it when it does that?)

But Hell, it took Liam 30 minutes with a flowchart and 5 PowerPoint slides just to comprehend 9 hours of my life at War. So starting with Friday morning and the text message that went something like “Just now getting on the road (2 hours late)… had to clean the blood off the floor… and pick the glass shards out of my foot… and cry… I cried a lot.” would just be kinda ludicrous.

So I’m taking the wussy way out this year. All of you know the drill, you pick the people, you give a comment, it’s all anonymous, and designed to make everyone paranoid. But? Just to let some of you off the hook there are only 25 people on this list and when you take into account the 3600+ people onsite you can extrapolate that I had to leave one or 2 of you out. Hell, I can think of more than handful right off the top of my head that should be on here but aren’t.

So we shall now commence with the giving of Sabine’s War Recap (You are still using that Texas accent, right?) –

(Read on …)

An invitation to all people who don’t suck…

_{Please come! Bring your friends! We even take guys in convincing drag… just ask the Amazons!}